wtfu

In my life, somehow I've always been synchronized with the problems of the world. So I've had that idea I should be a Civil Engineer. I could build houses, I could make stormwater systems, I could provide people with water, I could give people the things they REALLY NEED.

So once I met a man who seemed like the perfect guy for me.
He and I had pursued nearly the same things in life.
In love with him, I told him I liked him.

His response was solely that, well, lots of girls liked him too.
Shit, if going to college was the only admissions process I would ever need, huh?

I can't say I had a hard life, but for sure I know I never had an easy life too.
It wasn't enough to say that, but he also called me delusional.

Why would he say that?
Because I'd ask if he was going out with someone else?
Because I thought the world was a better place than what it is?

Maybe because I was outspoken and driven,
I'd been able to reach and get the things I wanted in life.

Then I had a wake-up call.

The world is not just overpopulated, and people are not mostly dissatisfied with their lives.
The world is unfair, full of unknown stupid fucking feelings.

There seems to be a lot of people that have their minds on doing right,
and making things better.

Climate change is supposedly a thing,
a reflection of all of our human activities.

If the issue at hand, was only, the unseen ozone hole, it'd be easy to fix it.

There are SO MANY problems in the world,
living in Mass can give an idea of the gigantic extent of how we are living is reflecting in the world.

These days, its been hard to sleep, not just because my mind functions as a cellphone that can be traced,
and be hearing conversations for hours on end.

But my lack of sleep is...

Mostly because all these conversations are not just actually delusional, a waste of fucking time, or simply pathetic...

Its about people that I've always cared and loved, hating on me with no end, despite the fact these same people have obviously harmed me throughout my life.

It isn't just about my body shifting from a size 4 pants to a size 18.
Or growing scars on my tummy from being force fed, with no purpose at all.

It is about all the people that really love me, having to be subjugated to pointless commands.

Its about me and my family being unhappy.
From the actions that each one has to perform in order to conform,
To our own inability to savour the world for what the Good working people have been working for.

And my lack of sleep, is not just feeling nervous,
not knowing if tomorrow I will get a job,
because no matter where I go, people know something about my life,

Its the fear that I may end up drugged up, homeless, because so many people have been ending up like this.

It is living with people that think they can call upon whatever card, 'mentally ill' and shit like that, because it seems that they have nothing better to say...

and yet, when people tell me things, I wonder, are they telling me this?

So...

Climate Change
Ozone hole
Homelessness
Drug abuse...

People stealing from you on a daily with no respect for you or anybody else but themselves...

And while I'm this one girl who has striven to go from a small town in Brazil to one of Harvard University's Ultimate Frisbee team, I've also been picked on to be ???

Meanwhile, I see families struggling on a day to day.
People working hard to provide for themselves and their kids,
And yet, seems like there's people not busy with something that is actual productive.

The word I hear these days is, 'For me'
Well let me fix that, it is 'For us'.

FOR US WHO?

Because the things I've been working in this life,
the buildings, the bridges, that is for us.

A person hating on me, and spending over 60lbs of energy to fatten me up,
Seems more like an act of...

Insecurity?
Jealousness?
Delusion?
No?